Dear family and friends:

I can still remember an incident during my high school gym class that not only left me physically scarred, but emotionally. We were learning to play softball, which was certainly not my favorite sport. I was never too good at either softball or baseball. Nor was I good at basketball or football. I always seemed to be one of the last ones picked, which was totally justifiable. It was really hot, and I felt an irritation on my back. It was a large boil – and boy did it itch. The irritation was too much to resist, so I began to scratch at it. Big mistake. The boil seemed to explode mercilessly. It didn’t take too long for the others to notice the disgusting red splotch forming on my back. The white t-shirt definitely didn’t help.Some were sympathetic, while others took advantage of the situation and added it to their growing list of insults. “Pizza face” was probably the worse name I remember. I learned to wear dark shirts that day, and did for many years. The acne was a true curse, and this was just a preview to the years to come.

By my senior year most of my closest friends had already move on to college. I began to skip lunch and just hangout in the halls pretending to read. I hated to read. I was often called a “bookworm,” even though I was far from actually being one. I’m still not reading at the pace I ought to be. Matter of fact, I’m probably typing this letter faster than I can read it.

Please don’t feel sorry for me, though. I know that each of you also have stories of your own. I chose to share this with you as a way to let you know where I have been, where I am today, and where I know that I am going. As we all know, it’s experiences such as the above (both good and bad) that helped to shape the person each of us are today.

I do admit, however, that it was mostly the bad experiences that motivated me to strive for success. This was solely to get back at those that rejected me. This didn’t last too long since the reality was that no matter how successful I became (or didn’t become), it really did not matter. They never seemed to notice. I learned a very important lesson from this that I carry with me today. I needed to do things with an honest intent. I learned that bitterness only affects those that choose to carry it. Whenever I made the decision to hold on to bitterness, I found that I actually became a slave to it. I must admit that this lesson didn’t stop the deep depression that I experienced year after year. There was a deeper battle going on inside me; inside the shell I had built around myself.

My depression started in high school and slowly grew into thoughts of suicide. After leaving for college, the thoughts of suicide seemed to increase in its frequency. I have always been known as the quiet one so concealing my depression did not take much effort. There were certainly times when it brought me to the point of actually planning it out. One night my roommate smuggled his girlfriend into our shared dorm room. So he asked me to leave without much thought to where I could go. He had recently been initiated into a fraternity, which gave him special privileges, if you know what I mean.  No doubt, the other guys would have taunted me to no end if I had refused or turned him in. I really felt terrible for his girlfriend. She was certainly not the only one in his life. I had no choice but to stay in my car that night. It was also too late to go play foosball downtown to get my mind off the situation. And besides, I was broke. I drove around town to kill the time. There was a lot of time to kill. The depression took advantage of the situation and the thoughts came crashing down hard on me that night. I thought being an adult would be different. I thought that college would be different. Why was I such a dork? When will I ever breakout of this shell of mine? The thoughts were pounding me down.

My mental state took a nosedive. It was about 3:00 a.m. and I was experiencing one of the worst episodes of depression ever. All my muscles would become tense as the emotions of anger, rage, vengeance, and back to hopelessness cycled through me. I remember knowing I needed to stop, but was unable to breakout of this drug-like state. That is how it always was. It’s like that horrible dream where you try so hard to wake yourself up, but you can’t – and there’s even a part of you that finds comfort in this state. The voices encouraging me to go through with it were more intense than ever. I started to plan my death sitting there in my car. I was too chicken to drive into a brick wall or some other form of a car incident. I actually found pleasure in imagining the people at my funeral. How terrible they would all feel for treating me the way they did. These thoughts became my first clue to what was really happening to me. I had to make sure that my suicide was successful. I believed that the embarrassment of surviving an attempt would be worse than dying. I saw my big sister fail several attempts herself. I remember coming home from school one day and finding her unconscious on the floor. I was so angry with her for doing that to me – to all of us. Now, sitting there alone and crying, I believed that I now understood her pain. I dare not speak for her, but I can only tell you my own experiences and what I was feeling.

I decided to buy some sleeping pills and some other over-the-counter drug. My plan was to take the sleeping pills, and just before falling asleep, I would take the entire bottle of the other drug. That would be peaceful. I was ready. The only thing that had always stopped me before was fear of the other side of death, but not tonight. There was no reason for me to continue this miserable existence. I had heard on more than one occasion that those that killed themselves end up in a place called “hell”. I really didn’t believe in a hell, or even a heaven. As far as I was concerned, I was already in hell. I pulled out my wallet to see how much money I had. I only had two dollars. I was totally broke. After realizing my situation, it then became… Well, oddly enough, comical. While crying in my car I found myself giggling through my slobbering face at the fact that I had become so pathetic that I couldn’t even afford to kill myself.

The tears seemed to have washed my mind of all its clutter. I was changed that night. I had come to realize just how selfish and self-centered I really was. You see, the very thing that made me angry about my sister’s attempts was that at the time I felt that she did it to teach all of us a lesson. Again, I cannot speak for my sister or judge her motives; I can only share my own feelings and thoughts. I felt absolutely miserable. I felt personally responsible for her actions. I failed as a brother to show her how much she meant to me. I was, and am still today, guilty of not taking the time to tell people I actually care about that I love and appreciate them. Would she be angry with me? Would you be angry with me? Again, I cannot speak for my sister’s experiences, but can only express my own feelings. You see, my actions were selfish. I only wanted to teach people a lesson. To make them regret the way they had treated me. It was all about me. I learned that I did value my life – so much, in fact, that I wanted others to see my value as well. It clearly showed me that I also valued friendships and my relationships with the true friends I did have; the friends that had remained my friends since the third and the sixth grade. I especially valued the relationship I have with my family. I cared too much for each of them to do this to them. I learned that the shell I had built around myself was not protecting me, but was actually keeping people away. I was the one doing the rejecting! My shell had been turned inside-out, which allowed me to view myself from the perspective of those around me. What I saw was an unwelcoming gate with clear signs saying, “Do Not Enter”. This was just one turning point in my life. There was even more to come.

Of course, not all my experiences were depressing and bleak. I truly had some fantastic times during my childhood, adolescent, and adult life. I still carry many fond memories from when mom and dad took us on many trips to visit relatives. We all enjoyed many visits to Walt Disney World and Sea World. Gathering flounder late at night with dad will always be remembered. I also cherish the times when dad brought me to work with him. He worked the 2^nd shift. The distinctive smell of aircraft fuel and metal parts is still burned into my memory – uh, literally. I remember dad showing me how to make a piece of metal magnetic using a powerful electric magnet in the shop. It was a workshop for jet engines where each nut and bolt was specialized. I remember the pressurized lab where dad would roll the jet engines into for testing. We would go for hotdogs and hamburgers late at night during his break and bring them back to the test lab. I am so grateful for these experiences. I wish I could bring Nicholas to work. Although, unlike being with dad, there wouldn’t be much for Nicholas to enjoy in the work I do.

Fishing trips with mom down on the ol’ramp on Radio Island was awesome. It may not sound like a good experience for a 5-year old, but I’ll never forget the jellyfish that I caught on my fishing rod. I was playing with it for a minute or two before mom realized what I was doing. I received painful stings on my hands and face. I’m grateful my sister, Kim, had not yet learned that urinating on jellyfish stings destroys the stingers. Of course, as painful as those stings were, I probably wouldn’t have minded too much. That was one of those childhood lessons that only takes one lesson.

I hope that one day that Nicholas could experience crabbing as I did down on Fisher Street, where I grew-up. I’m sure his grandma and grandpa would love to teach Nicholas how to grab a crab from behind to avoid getting pinched. Much like the lesson learned from the jellyfish, grabbing crabs incorrectly only takes one lesson.

The nights driving around shooting bottle rockets out the car window became famous. I’ll never forget the bottle rocket that I lit in Mike’s car that didn’t make it out the window. I frantically stomped on it to hold it down while both Mike and I screamed hysterically. It burned a nice reminder into the floorboard that gave us both story material for months – and now, years. It also reminded us to roll the windows completely down when throwing explosive out of moving cars. We were definitely not like other teens, though. Believe it or not, we would actually go back to make sure no fire had been started. Geeks, indeed… Come to think about it, seems I had a habit of damaging Mike’s vehicles. If I weren’t trying to burn it, then I was either ramming it or spitting in it. I cannot believe it’s been over 20 years.

I also have many, many great memories with all my closest friends. The many experiences at Seventh Street Roller Rink will never be forgotten. There were many good times there since it was the only thing in town for us to do. As we got older we made many long walks to Pizza Hutt, while kicking out the streetlights. That’s right. Back then we learned that if you kicked a light pole just right, it would cause the light to go out temporarily. Not too sure why we thought that was fun. It really left our heels numb and sore. They tell me that it’s the same feeling you get when the baseball hits the bat in the wrong place. I’ll have to take their word for it. I was never too good at baseball.

Bouncing between atheism and agnosticism while hanging out with friends that went to church every Sunday was actually quite easy. I never really asked any serious questions. Really didn’t know what to ask. I don’t recall any of my friends or my own family members who ever challenged me on my own personal beliefs (or lack of beliefs). They sometimes asked, but never really challenged me on why I believed what I believed. I do remember the day my beliefs in evolution were first questioned. I was working on an ad design for Dr. McLaughlin. It was the basic ape-to-man illustration we all grew-up learning. I was using a series of transitional drawings depicting the ape-to-man idea in a chiropractic advertisement. The headline was, “It has taken us millions of years to straighten-up. Chiropractic Care can help you stay straight.” Mike took one look at my conceptual design – which I thought was great – and made a comment that it would be too controversial to run. I was actually surprised to learn that this idea of evolving from apes was controversial. I always thought it was a fact – no question about it! It would take a few more years until I would really begin to look deeper into this. The seed of doubt had started to grow. I would start questioning some of the other things I believed. More importantly, why I believed it and where was I getting the information? Is the source reliable?

I think I told people I was Muslim as a child and teenager since I didn’t know what else to say. Besides, my mom says she is Muslim so it just seemed to be the most appropriate answer. Not having any answer or label would have certainly been harder to explain. I later learned to just go through the motions with each person I met. It was just easier.

As I mentioned earlier, mom claims to be Muslim, which simply means “one who submits” (Islam means, “submit”). I never witnessed her submitting to or practicing any of the five pillars required for all Muslims. Come to think of it, I’ve yet met a Muslim that did do these things. She did teach us never to eat pork and to be sure to do more good deeds than bad. She never really gave us any detailed explanation, and I admit that I never really asked. I don’t recall dad professing in any particular belief or denomination. However, dad often warned me about “those” Christians and how you’ve got to watch your wallet around them. This was only to protect me, of course. He did place Kim and me in a Catholic school, Saint Egbert’s, for our first years of school. This may have been more for their assurance of a quality education than for its spiritual value. I barely remember my years there, and I don’t think I was really interested in learning at that age. It’s obvious to me now that I didn’t carry away any spiritual convictions. I do recall struggling a lot with basic skills such as reading and basic math. My eagerness to learn such skills grew later in life.

Soon after leaving home, my experiences with those calling themselves Christians proved dad was right. If I hung out with them long enough, I would quickly find them to be just like everyone else – there was really no difference. I’m mostly speaking of my days in college and experiences in Wilmington. Those that clearly claimed to be Christians would curse regularly, they lied, they stole, they practiced fornication, they watched the same movies, partied just as hard, and drank just as much as everyone else. So my beliefs regarding religion, and especially the Bible, were certainly affected. I saw no value in the belief in any gods since I saw little evidence in the people that claimed to have been changed by their beliefs. This was not only true for Christians, but also for those holding to other beliefs such as Buddhism, Hinduism, and Islam.

Out of curiosity and a desire to understand mom more, I did start reading the Qur’an. After several weeks and reading through several suras, I lost interest and found myself joining some new age group that believed in harnessing positive energies around our hearts. This wasn’t any closer to satisfy my growing hunger for truth and purpose. I think I was trying to find something I could grasp – something a little more empirical. This too was short-lived when I learned that doctors had successfully replaced a heart with an artificial one. So much for tapping into positive energies around my heart. You might say that my search for truth had begun.

It wasn’t until I met Emily that my life’s goals really began to be defined. I had been just gliding through my life waiting for death to take me naturally and hopefully sooner than later. I still faced bouts of depression and fought off thoughts of suicide. However, after meeting Emily I knew I had to make definite plans for my future in order for her to take me seriously. Her attention to me gave me the recognition I always desired. Feeling as though I had somehow won her heart gave me a sense of accomplishment I never felt before. I had much respect for her. I made a goal to make more money to show that I could support her, and to finish the degree I started. I desired great wealth. This time it was for Emily, and not to impress those in my past. I knew this was going to be tough, but she was worth it. However, I didn’t know it at the time, but even my attitude on this would be changed significantly by something even bigger.

After we became close, she began sharing with me about her beliefs in God, the God of the Bible. Although Emily herself will admit to you that she wasn’t living the way God wanted her to live when we first met. At the time she was unaware that she had befriended an agnostic. I can only relate to my own experiences that this must have been convicting to Emily; enough to want to start living the way she was telling me God wants us to live. As I hinted earlier, I had just started to backslide as an atheist and had just begun to admit to myself that I was more of an agnostic. I was adamant about needing real proof. I am not one to just start believing in something just because I get a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. I had seen too many of those crazy evangelists on TV telling me to send in money for blessings. I told her I would look into this with an honest heart. To be honest, I didn’t really mean it at the time, but just wanted to make sure I eliminated any possible problems between us. She was patient and allowed me to read and study at my own pace, which was slow. I had to admit that I had been rejecting something I never even read. I had been judging the Bible by those claiming to be followers, and using them as an excuse. I realized that it is unfair for me to blame God for the disobedience of those doing things in His name. I began to read the Bible for myself.

Soon after getting married, Emily’s branch was robbed at gunpoint. The man robbing them had forced all the tellers into the safe, held a gun to the back of Emily’s head, and demanded she open the safe. She recalls him threatening to shoot her and the other girls if she didn’t hurry-up. He got the money and locked them in the safe. They were able to call for help using the emergency phone inside the safe.

After being notified of the news I frantically made my way to the bank not knowing what to expect. The police and FBI allowed me to go in and see Emily. It surprised me to find Emily calmly counting down her drawer. Although the atmosphere was tense, she seemed quite peaceful. I was so glad to see her! It may seem odd to say, but this ordeal was a blessing to us both. Emily’s faith was tested to the extreme, and I was blessed to witness her as a living testimony when faced with death. Not only was she a testimony to me, but also to the other girls. She told me that she knew that she would go to Heaven if she had been killed that day. I wanted to know where she got such an assurance. Why did she believe what she believes? Where did she get her information? Above all, how can this information be trusted? My semi-sincere search turned serious.

I was not interested in just the opinions of others. There are so many ideas and opinions out there. What is the truth? If what a person believes is false, it simply does not change reality. Not believing in electricity does not automatically exclude you from its affects. The words of Mark Cahill really stuck with me when he said, “If a person believes there is nothing after death and dies, and finds out that there is something, then that person would be 100% wrong.” Therefore, I had to be honest with myself and ask: What if what I believe is wrong? I will be dead a lot longer than my time alive, and eternity is a long time to be wrong about something.

We started attending a church in Wilmington. However, we soon left this church because of a job offer in Raleigh that our friend, Mike, had led us to. Well, he did more than just tell us about this job; I was actually hired because of his recommendation. The people there were just awesome. After settling into Raleigh, Emily and I once again began our search for a church. Emily’s co-worker had recommended to us a few churches in our area. They were non-denominational, which at the time I had little knowledge of what that meant. After attending several churches, we finally settled on one in Cary. The people quickly became like family. We loved them and still do today. We attended Bible study groups and even study groups outside the church. I was no longer scared to ask questions, and seemed to be learning something new in each meeting. This also meant that I was being convicted daily. Not by the people or their actions, but by what I already knew in my heart to be wrong in my life. The words in the Bible slowly exposed me. It exposed many things I had done (and was still doing) that I had been rationalizing away. Many rotten and shameful things I had done. I’m even too ashamed to even hint at them here. This book, the Bible, was honest to me about myself. It clearly showed me that my definition of “good” fell well below God’s definition of “good” – His standard. So how “good” does one have to be to get into Heaven? How bad does one have to be to earn a place in hell? Before desiring the true answers to these questions, I still had to go back and question some of the beliefs I still had. I had to be open-minded enough to review evidence that was contrary to what I already held as true.

As a computer programmer I am familiar with coding, logic, and instructions. As an atheist, the one thing that I couldn’t grasp was how the extremely organized complexity of DNA came to be. Where did the instructions come from that organized the DNA itself? When studying the DNA, you can clearly see a string of code that even had a backup system designed with it. Before, I would simply dismiss it as being just chance that the amino acids just happened to fall into the right places to form the first protein. This, of course, meant skipping the complexity of creating the right type of amino acids that would allow life to even begin! This process makes the chicken and the egg question simple in comparison. Like most scientist today, I would quickly move on from there since we all know that this lonesome protein would have had no purpose without other proteins. They too would have had no purpose without an organized structure to be built – and built for a specific purpose. There are thousands of different types of protein, each with a specific function, and even more amazing was that there are only 20 different types of amino acids that are used to form them all. It all depends on their exact order (like coding instructions on a computer) and especially its shape. It would be like taking something like 20,000 characters from the alphabet, tossing them on the ground, and watching them fall in order and forming an equilateral triangle perfectly. This just doesn’t happen by chance!

We have all learned in our biology classes that after the mRNA gathers a specific string or code from the DNA, the ribosome assembles the protein using the amino acids, and the completed protein is folded into a very specific shape. Amazingly, if the shape were even slightly off, it would not fit another protein that is necessary to fulfill a specific function. Therefore, it would be discarded. How would it be possible for anything to evolve, even in small increments like Darwin described, with such a safe guard built in? How does something non-intelligent form an eye? A nonworking, partially formed eye would not work; therefore, would have been discarded. Not only that, but other functions of the eye (muscles, light sensitive nerves, communication links to brain, etc), would have had to be built to support it at the same time – all without a plan or any form of an intelligent agent. Where are all the millions and millions of in-betweens that should be everywhere – even today? Instead, we only find fully developed kinds of animals. Shouldn’t there be millions of in-between variations of animals roaming around today? Shouldn’t we be seeing living dogs with wings or lizard tales? Why is it that we are constantly told about “a” missing link? There should be millions upon millions of transitional forms – and they should be very apparent even today! Questioning a lot of what I had believed about evolution and the Big Bang theory got me rethinking and asking questions.

If the solar system was formed from a large spinning cloud of gas (their best theory today), then why is Venus rotating in the opposite direction? The law of angular momentum would never have allowed it to spin in the opposite direction from the Solar System’s spin. This is something you may notice your professors skipping over quickly or not mentioning at all. When asked, my Planetary Geology professor stated that that was a question for a physics class. In other words, the theory that most hold to today falls completely apart because of Venus and Uranus. You see, Uranus rotates in a rolling position; its poles are parallel with the solar system’s plane of rotation. This was just the start of reconsidering what I had been taught.

I also started to learn that many of my presuppositions about the Bible were actually false. For one, the people in the Bible actually did exist! Even the Discovery channel spoke of them. I was so ignorant of the Bible that I was astonished to discover that main cities in the Bible still exist today. This was actually both exciting and hard for me to digest after 28 years of passing it off as fiction. This man I cared little about, Jesus Christ, actually walked on earth. And He clearly claimed to be God. Not only that, but the Scriptures foretold of His coming hundreds of years before the Messiah’s birth and especially of His death (Psalm 22, Isaiah 53). The Scriptures stand apart from all other writings in that they accurately predict future events before they happened. This claim was so profound that I knew it would impact my life if it were true. Therefore, I kept reading and studying. I was no longer just trying to satisfy Emily and help us build a good marriage, but it became important for me to know the truth. I wanted to have a real reason for what I believed and why I believed it.

For me, it boiled down to this: either Jesus’ claims to be God’s One and only Son and God Himself are true, or He is lying and all those who wrote about Him are lying as well. A huge question each of us must ask ourselves: Who would be willing to be tortured and killed for something they know to be a lie? All the apostles, their family members, and many, many followers that testified to Jesus’ resurrection were brutally murdered for their beliefs in the resurrection (This is not only from the Bible, but many historical documents record this time of persecution. Resources: “Evidence that Demands a Verdict” by Josh McDowell, Foxes’ Book of Martyrs). Not only would they place their own lives in danger, but also their family’s. There was much more motivation for them to abandon this idea, if it were a lie, than to stick to it to the death. There are plenty of people that die for what they believe in, but who would die for what they know to be a lie?

“We do not make statements true or false by affirming or denying them. They have truth or falsity regardless of what we think, what opinions we hold, what judgments we make.”  - Mortimer J. Adler

The Bible is either completely and totally God’s word or it is not. Reason clearly showed me that I do not have the authority to pick and choose parts of the Bible I feel are true, while dismissing other parts as false. Either it is totally God’s Word or it cannot be trusted at all. Taking the buffet approach would mean creating an idol; a god that I’m more comfortable with rather than accepting God at His word. It would be like you reading my personal testimony and deciding that some parts are true and other parts are false. By doing so, you would literally be robbing me of the authorship. Instead of making such blind judgments on my testimony, you could verify dates and events based on outside sources and with other people’s testimonies regarding similar events. For instance, did I actually have a gym class that learned to play softball in 1985? Are there other witnesses that can verify my story? What did they see? Did I actually suffer from acne? This is the very thing about the Scriptural writings that astonished me. Many of the events and people in the Scriptures have been verified by outside documents, historical events, and archeological findings. By denying the six-day creation, I am literally calling God a liar and even questioning His abilities. Instead of saying that 6 days sounds impossible, I really should be asking God, “What took so long?”

With the above thoughts in mind it became clear to me that what I am learning – my decision on this – would greatly affect my destination after death. You may be saying, “Ok Leslie, I understand this changes what you once thought about the validity of the Bible; but how can you jump to conclude that this effects your eternal destination?” That is simple, because Jesus made a profound statement about Himself. Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.” (John 14:6) He is either lying/wrong or He is telling the truth. The Bible clearly tells us, "For there is one God and one Mediator between God and men, the Man Christ Jesus" (1 Timothy 2:5)  You only have two choices. It is like getting directions from point A to point B. If you put your trust in the wrong information, you become lost. Place your trust in the right information and you get to the right place. The Scriptures also make it abundantly clear in Acts 4:10-12, “let it be known to you all, and to all the people of Israel, that by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, whom you crucified, whom God raised from the dead, by Him this man stands here before you whole. This is the ‘stone which was rejected by you builders, which has become the chief cornerstone.’ Nor is there salvation in any other, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.” I have come to realize that I am personally responsible for the penalty that Christ bore on my behalf. I am guilty, but because of His love, He paid my fine for me – for us all. Unfortunately, most people will spend hours (even days) researching the information about their next computer purchase than where they will spend eternity. When it comes to spiritual matters, they carelessly choose what they want to believe by whether it fits their lifestyle and friends; like choosing jewelry. Something this important should not be decided on lightly.

Professor Thomas Arnold, author of a famous three-volume History of Rome, appointed to the chair of Modern History of Oxford, and certainly a man well acquainted with the value of evidence in determining historical facts. This great scholar said: “I know of no one fact in the history of mankind which is proved by better and fuller evidence of every sort, to the understanding of a fair inquirer, than the great signs which God hath given us that Christ died and rose again from the dead.” (“Evidence that Demands a Verdict”, Josh McDowell)

I also learned that God gave us these rules (the commandments) to show us something about ourselves (Romans 7:7). It clearly showed me that I was guilty of lying, of stealing, taking the Lord’s name in vain, disrespecting my parents, and many other things. I would be guilty when judged by the righteousness of God. Would you be guilty? Be honest. I had to be honest and stop myself from my pathetic attempts to rationalize myself out of it. Truth is, no one can keep the commandments.

The following analogy helped me when I heard it explained to me, so I hope it also helps you. Imagine you broke a number of laws. You’re now in court. The evidence against you is overwhelming. You know you’re guilty. The crimes are serious. The penalty is beyond what you are able to pay. You say to the judge, “Your Honor, I admitted that I am guilty and am so sorry for what I did. Please consider all the good things I have done. I cannot pay such a high penalty. Please just forgive me and I won’t do it again.” Can the judge just let you go? Of course, he cannot – at least not justly. And you cannot get extra credit for what is already required of you. If the judge is a good judge, then the judge must fulfill the law; the penalty must be paid. Just as the gavel is picked-up, it is put back down. The judge removes his robe, steps down to be an ordinary citizen, and pays your fine for you. Now the judge can let you go “justly” since the law has been fulfilled. He tells you that this is a free gift offered to you totally by grace, which means “undeserved favor”. He does this to show his love and to demonstrate that he is also just. Two thousand years ago God came down in the Person of Jesus Christ to pay the penalty of sin that we deserve. We did the crime and He paid our fine. The Scriptures tell us that God is love, and the very same Scriptures also make it clear that God is just. However, He gives each person the freedom to accept His free gift of eternal life or reject it. Why would you reject such a gift? How does one accept this free gift of eternal life?

Allow me to go back to the purpose of the law. I have learned that the law shows us our sin the same way a mirror shows us our physical flaws. It showed me, and shows us all that we fall short of God’s glory. When Paul the Apostle was rebuking Peter on the purpose of the law, he stated that our righteousness comes only by faith in Jesus. He told Peter, “I do not set aside the grace of God; for if righteousness comes through the law, then Christ died in vain.” (Galatians 2:21) He was clearly reminding Peter that if it were possible for us to gain righteousness through fulfilling the law (something we do), then the Messiah’s death was in vain. Jesus’ last words on the cross before giving-up His spirit was, “It is finished.” The words He used were a commercial term meaning, “Paid in full.” The penalty I deserved was paid for by Jesus on the cross. It’s a free gift handed to us. We accept the gift by repenting of our sin, which means to forsake or turn from our sin, and trusting in Jesus Christ alone for our salvation. Unfortunately, there are many people out there refusing this free gift. Some think they just get it automatically because they feel they are good compared to everyone else.

The commandments clearly showed me that I was basing my own goodness on my own standards. Being honest with myself, I hardly ever measured-up to my own standards that I expected from others. I was going through life comparing myself to others that were also creating their own standards. God’s standards are not mine and demands perfection. Obviously, I am not perfect – and do not claim to be. I am guilty of breaking God’s commandments. The Scriptures revealed to me the truth that I needed to see in myself. I am totally guilty before God, Who is love and perfectly just. I do not deserve Heaven, but deserve hell because of my wickedness. We are quick to accept the truth of God’s love, but we are slow at accepting the fact that in order to be “good”, God must punish sin. God is just and righteous, and by no means will He allow “any” sin to be in His presents. You may say that God forgives. Who does He forgive? How much do you have to do wrong for God not to be able to forgive you? On what basis can God forgive you righteously? If God is truly good, He will not allow murders and rapists to go unpunished. He is so good, in fact, that He will even punish liars and thieves. He knows your thoughts. You see, we have a problem: We all fall short of His glory. God, in His love for us, solved the problem in a very special way that allows Him to maintain His love as well as His righteousness. His plan allows Him to demonstrate His love, while at the same time be perfectly “just”. According to Scripture, God loved us so much that He became a man in the person of Jesus (John 1:1-14) to bare the punishment I (and you) deserve. Scripture tells us that the penalty of sin is death, a spiritual death or eternal separation from Him in a place called hell.  Jesus then lived a perfect life without breaking any of these commandments, which means Jesus fulfilled the law. God, in the person of Jesus, was rejected like He told us ahead of time that He would be (Psalm 22, written 700 years before crucifixion was even invented). Jesus was crucified on the cross for me. It just amazed me that my Creator would love me, and us all, so much that He would take the punishment I deserve – that we all deserve. Better yet, He provides this as a free gift! All that I am able to do is simply place my trust in Jesus for this free gift of eternal life. I am so amazed and grateful that God, Who created everything, would do this for me! How amazing! I still have a lot of questions, but I now know what’s on the other side of death. I know that I am on my way to Heaven. Not because of anything that I have done, but because of what He has already done for me. I know this because I believe Jesus when He said, “Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that heareth my word, and believeth on him that sent me, hath everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation; but is passed from death unto life.” (John 5:24) This is the present. I don’t have to wait and hope I make it into Heaven as some teach. I know right now where I’m headed. John tells us in 1 John 5:13: “These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God.” I know that I have this free gift of eternal life. How about you?

You may be asking yourself what I had to give up. That’s easy. I gave-up worrying about what would happen to me when I die. As far as all the other things in my life, I didn’t have to give them up – I simply lost my desire for them. You don’t give up something that you no longer desire. God was slowly changing me from the inside where it really mattered. My conscience began working overtime and I was listening. I thank God for His law being written on my heart that sounds an alarm every time I go astray. Do you always listen to your conscience?

When speaking about the Galileans, the Scriptures make it clear about the importance of true repentance. Jesus said, “except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish.” (Luke 13:3) It’s not just saying you’re sorry for the moment. It’s a complete change of mind about the seriousness of your sin in the eyes of a righteous and Holy God. What made this clearer for me to understand was the following story: You are on a trip to the Florida Keys with your friend. Your friend is driving on US-1 South and asks you to drive. As your friend is sleeping you stop for gas and get turned around. Your friend wakes-up and tells you that you’re going the wrong way. You deny the accusation and continue on. As you approach a posted sign stating that you’re heading north rather than south, you realize that you are heading in the wrong direction as warned. At this point you need to admit that you are wrong and your friend is right. But more than that, you need to turn around. True repentance isn’t just telling God you’re sorry and then continue going the wrong way. It’s turning from what you know to be wrong (by the clear warning signs of your conscience and God’s word) and turning towards God. When God is calling you to Himself, He is calling you away from your sins. Therefore, the excuse that God made you the way you are will not work when you stand before God. It won’t even work in a court of law on earth! Imagine telling a judge that you can’t help lying, stealing or raping because you were “made that way”. What you’re actually doing is blaming God for your desire to ignore His commandments. God gave you a free will; a free will that can choose to either obey Him or not to obey. Otherwise, what reason would God have to command us to repent (turn from our sins), if He made us that way in the first place? God loves us so much that He gave each of us a free will. We can freely choose to love Him or not. God tells us in Scripture that if we truly love Him that we will naturally want to obey His commandments. You see, if God created us to be like robots that loved Him regardless, then that would not be true love.

God knows that we will continue to stumble in our walk with Him. The difference is in our attitude: Are you ashamed of falling back into whatever you have been called away from or do you get up the next morning looking forward to doing it again? We are called to confess our sins to Him, which He is faithful in forgiving us (1 John 1:9). Remember, the Scriptures are clear that there is only One mediator between us and God, the Lord Jesus Christ. (1 Timothy 2:5)

I am writing each of you because I love you, and I do not want you to end-up in hell. As I stated before, eternity is a long time to be wrong about something as important as your eternal destination. I beg you to come to the realization that you are not guaranteed tomorrow – or even your next breath. If you’re currently guilty of creating your own god with a statement that starts with, “Yeah well, to me God is…”, then I beg you to look at what God says about Himself to see if your definition lines up with what He says about Himself. Anything else is considered idolatry. I cannot force you nor do I have the power to convert people to become followers of Jesus Christ. That is totally a personal commitment between you and God. All I can do is give you the information, the gospel. I only have one motive for sharing this information with you: I love you and care enough about your eternal destination to give you this information.

Someone once explained to me that they know many Christians that are not happy. He says this in a way that makes me think that he believes that Christianity is supposed to make life easier here on earth. Unfortunately, many people “try” Christianity the same way you might try a new diet. But that’s not what Christianity is truly about. It is truly having a personal relationship with God. I have joy and peace only because I know where I am going when I die; I know Who my faith is based on. The Scriptures clearly tells me – with great honesty – that my choice to follow Jesus Christ will bring persecution into my life. (2 Timothy 3:12) Jesus even told us that we would be hated by the world because of His name. If the Scriptures were not honest with me about this, then it would have certainly been another diet-like attempt for happiness. However, my happiness is real in knowing that I have a place in Heaven with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Have you come to a place in your life where you have this assurance? The Scriptures begs us not to be deceived. It tells us all to test our faith; to be sure it is true. “Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you—unless, of course, you fail the test?” (2 Corinthians 13:5) I cannot tell you whether or not you’re saved. That is totally between you and God. I can only beg you to honestly test yourself as Scripture commands. Do not deceive yourself.

It’s also important to recognize that it is not just knowing about Jesus and believing in God that gets you into Heaven. Even Satan and the demons know Jesus and believe in God. And they’re not on their way to Heaven! It’s making a personal choice to turn from your ways to God’s ways, and placing your trust for eternal life totally in what Jesus did for us on the cross. When you do this, Jesus calls this being “born again”. You become a new creation (2 Cor 5:17), a child of God. I remember hearing that term, “born again”, and labeling those that use it as fanatics. That was before I really understood what it meant. Jesus even used the term when talking with Nicodemus. He said, “Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.” (John 3:3) If you’re paying attention you may have realized that being born again means being born into God’s family. When does this happen? Scripture tells us that the moment we believe we are sealed by the Holy Ghost. (Ephesians 1:13, Acts 15:7-9) Would you agree that if God seals something that it is in fact sealed? In Acts 10:43, the people receive the Holy Spirit the moment they believe – certainly not after some man-made tradition. If you think it is because you got baptized as a baby or because you go to church, then you really need to look at what Scripture really says rather than the ideas added by man. Jesus spoke harshly about the effect of man’s tradition in Mark 7:7-9 when He said, “They worship me in vain; their teachings are but rules taught by men. You have let go of the commands of God and are holding on to the traditions of men.’ And he said to them: ‘You have a fine way of setting aside the commands of God in order to observe your own traditions!’” Are you following the Scriptures or are you following certain man-made laws that clearly contradict God’s word? If you find yourself questioning some of your church’s rules or condemnations based on its traditions, then how can you – with a clear conscience – place your eternal destination into their hands? No one can make this choice for you. You must personally make the choice yourself. Do you trust God’s word or your church’s traditions?

If you disagree with Scripture concerning your own eternal destination, then I beg you to just make certain that you’re right. Eternity is a long time to be wrong about something this important. We love you and we will be praying for you.

“For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:

Not of works, lest any man should boast.”

Ephesians 2:8-9

"Ho, Ho sir surgeon. You are too delicate to tell the man that he is ill. You hope to heal the sick without their knowing it. You therefore flatter them. And what happens? They laugh at you. They dance upon their own graves and at last they die. Your delicacy is cruelty, your flatteries are poisons... you are a murderer.

Shall we keep men in a fool's paradise? Shall we lull them into soft slumbers from which they will awake in hell? Are we to become helpers of their damnation by our smooth speeches? In the name of God, we will not."